I lasted one minute. One whole minute. Then I mentioned something about something that I don’t like. Which might appear to be pretty much everything. Or is that just because it’s only Wednesday and I’d prefer that it’s Friday so I can spend the weekend relaxing at home, alone, where I still don’t really like anyone? Especially that pesky apartment manager. She’s the worst.

I really thought I could do it. I thought I could strain myself and just not complain for a whole twenty-four hour block. What was I thinking? Then I thought that if I could just not talk for twenty-four hours, I could really win this competition I started with myself. That was even more moronic. I couldn’t go five minutes without speaking even if you bribed me with a cheeseburger. I’d finish the burger in 4 minutes and have at least one whole minute to discuss the highs and lows of said burger.

But I’m going to try again. Because when you fall, you’re supposed to get back up on that bike seat right? Did I mention that I don’t like bike seats? They’re so uncomfortable. Couldn’t they just be a little bigger? Is that considered complaining?

I think I need clarification on what a complaint is exactly. The formal definition is just a little hard to understand. It leaves too much to the imagination. Maybe it’s just me, but I want a loophole. I want to be able to say that I don’t like something without being judged. You’re probably judging me already. Oh well. Join the club.

So go ahead. Tell me your complaints. What’s bothering you today? I’ll do my best to listen to your complaints without judging. Which essentially means I’ll totally judge you too. At least we’ll both be members of the “people who can’t go 24 hours without complaining” club. As long as I’m not there alone. I hate being alone. Is that a complaint?