There was a time when I hated that phrase, “you don’t get it, you’re not a parent.” I hated it because I didn’t appreciate the thought that I couldn’t comprehend something. But the truth is, I couldn’t comprehend something. I couldn’t comprehend what being a parent meant. It’s just different, your whole world is different. And that doesn’t mean you’re less of a human because you aren’t a parent, it just means you can’t understand the feeling until you are.

It’s different, this world. It’s something I never thought I’d be experiencing, but here I am. I still think what life would be like without that little brat running through our lives, screaming and crying at us for no reason. And the truth is, it would be fine. Life would be fine without her. But it would never be THIS great. It would never be this amazing.

My husband often asks me if I’m still loving staying home with her.

There will be a particularly hard day with her, and he’ll say “do you still love staying home with her?” The truth is, I can’t imagine my life any other way. I’ve never felt such a calling. I could cry just thinking about going back to work. I know this is what I was made for. I was made to be Sawyer Rae’s mom. I was made to make sure she is the best human she can be. I was made to ensure that she lives the best life she can live.

It makes a lot of sense to me now, looking back. I never got a degree in anything that made me feel important. I never really felt a purpose in life. And then we had Sawyer. And suddenly, everything just sort of fell into place. She was my person. The person I was meant to provide for, to love, to protect. She makes me so happy, I can’t imagine a life before her, or without her.

She is the happiest part of every day. She is the smile in my sunshine and the rainbow in my rain. She is mine.